"Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means you've decided to look beyond the imperfections." -Unknown

Movie Montage

We've all seen movies depicting a 'movie montage.' The films typically express the underdog training for a fight or race, drinking healthy drinks, working out, hitting a boxing pad, and of course excessive sweating. The montage is never complete without the music: cliche 80's hits like Eye of the Tiger, a husky male voice (such as Kenny Loggins), and a female background singer who's job is solely based on repeating the anthem. The whole concept of a movie montage is to convey that a time has passed, work has been done, and the hero is now ready for the 'big fight.' He's prepared, fit, appreciative of his trainer, and of course- still sweaty.

Some of the epic movie montages include:
8. 'Teen Wolf'- Win in the End
7. 'Naked Gun'- I'm Into Something Good
6. 'Dirty Dancing'- Hungry Eyes
5. 'Revenge of the Nerds'- One Foot in front of the Other
4. 'The Karate Kid'- You're The Best
3. 'Ghostbusters'
2. 'Scarface'- Push it to the Limit
1. 'Rocky IV'- The Training Montage

And of course the best movie montage, in my opinion, is Team America-World Police "Montage"; a self-conscious take on movie montage's concentrating on cliche build-up. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FIi0vFyqWAc

So, you say, "Why movie montage's?" In person, I'd respond: "Why NOT movie montages?!" But since the blog needs a point consider the following:

1. If someone was to make a movie montage of the 'training' time in your life, what would the theme song be?
2. In your montage are you training for the big fight, just getting in shape, or feel like you're on your own (no trainer)?
3. Who would your trainer be (a friend, relative, co-worker, pet, God, a book, a concept)?
4. What did you train for specifically (career path, death of a friend/family member, school, sprititual battle)?

As cliche as movie montage's are, the whole concept is to convey that time has passed considerably in such a short section of film. If you're in the middle of yours, don't give up. There is always a hindsight perspective. If you've only just begun, get a great trainer and some kick butt music and truck on through.

Finding Your Strengths!

In order to key in on how YOU can function best as a person, I challenge you to identify your strengths! You probably have a pretty good idea at some of the things that inspire you, come easy to you, and challenge you. Putting those thoughts into specific characteristics can help you see a bigger picture as to how your specific talents can fit into other areas of life.

First, think about what you're good at, what inspires you, what comes easy to you, and several characteristics that others admire about you. List your Top 4 (for example: critical thinking, hope for the future, enthusiasm, including others, task focused/OR relationship focused etc.).

Second, go to http://www.viasurvey.org/ and briefly register (FREE) to take the VIA-SURVEY FOR CHARACTER STRENGTHS. I highly recommend this questionnaire and use it in my own personal coaching sessions. It takes about 35 minutes to take the 240 question survey. When completed, it measures you on 24 different strength levels. Note your top 4 and bottom 4.

Third, take your TOP 4 STRENGTHS and think about new ways to use them. For example: if your strength is creativity, set aside specific hours to simply increase your creativity levels (by writing, reading, making). If your strength is appreciation of beauty/nature, find better ways to incorporate this into your life (take a scenic route home, take a walk after dinner, set aside time for some fresh air). Ultimately, strive to push the envelope with your strengths in order to start growing them.

Finally, when you are doing something you love, enjoy, and are good at- your body and mind will respond! You're "pleasure center" (septum pellicidium & hypothalamus) in the brain will excrete domaine into the body creating a satisfied feeling. Dopamine directly effects mood, sleep, cognition, voluntary movement, motivation, a sense of reward, attention and learning. Ultimately, the more you grow and pay attention to YOUR STRENGTHS, your body responds positively.

Additionally, I recommend the Keirsey Personality Test (www.keirsey.com). Shorter versions of the test can be found by searching Myers Briggs (aka Keirsey).

Find what you're good at and GROW it!

Perfecting Ourselves To Death

Perfectionism is an avoided and yet prided word with connotations of straightening pencils and perfect clothes. Some perfectionists can be seen as simply hardworking and motivated; others let it affect their attitudes, health, and ultimately their relationships.

So, what type of perfectionist are you? I'm not talking about taking a self-quiz and getting a silly result that is so general and broad as a fortune cookie. Perfectionism can be split into several categories. Most of us with this trait can be dominant in one category while mixed slightly into others.

I recently attended a conference and heard the author, Richard Winter, speak about his book Perfecting Yourself to Death: The Pursuit of Excellence and the Perils of Perfectionism. Not only was his information a new and innovative in the area of the healthy vs. unhealthy perfectionist, but his English accent was swimmingly surprising. So, below I'll let you in on a few of his secrets (laid out in his book, but also in the notes of his lecture):

Types of Perfectionism:

• Appearance


• Performance/Academic


• Moral


• All round (all encompassing)


• Perfectionists think in ALL or NOTHING terms!

Unhealthy Perfectionists:

• Have standards that are high beyond reach or reason


• Strain compulsively and unremittingly toward impossible goals


• Feel their best efforts are never good enough


• Unable to feel satisfaction or joy in a job well done


• Measure their own worth entirely in terms of productiv ity and accomplishment


• Preoccupied with performance and/or appearance

Normal/Healthy Perfectionists (Person of Excellence):

• Pursue excellence


• Derive a very real sense of pleasure from the labors of a painstaking effort to meet high standards


• Feel free to be less precise as the situations permits


• Rejoice in their skills


• Appreciate a job well done

The 3 Dimensions of Perfectionists- Which One Are You?

• Self-Oriented: demand yourself to be better (high standards for yourself only); under stress you break down to unhealthy perfectionism and tend toward neutrotism. This type of dimension tends to be only related to your person only, no one else (your little bubble and your standards only).


• Socially Prescribed: perceived expectations of others very high; self-worth is contingent on others approval. Social situations depend on your thoughts of "Am I saying the right thing?" "Do I live up to their standards?"


• Others-Oriented: "Why can't everyone else do things the way I do things?" Very morally conscious; tends to set high standards for everyone else. Can be bossy, leadership qualities are high but when under stress can lead to unhealthy ranges.

Thought Patterns of Perfectionists:

• All or nothing


• Need for control


• Tyranny of "outs and "shoulds"


• Trying to live outside reality


• Perception of consistency failing to meet high standards set by self or others


• Shame, social comparison, inferiority


• Fear of making mistakes


• Fear of failure and rejection


• Discrepancy between perceieved and ideal self

Some Perils of Perfectionism:

• Anxiety & worry


• Indecisiveness and procrastination


• Decreased productivity and performance


• Impaired health (headaches, psychosomatic issues)


• Eating disorders


• Depression and suicidal ideas


• Relationship problems (Other-Oriented: critical and leaves broken hearts; Self-Oriented: afraid of opening up because of rejection)


• Obsessive comulsive Personality and OCD- desired sense of control.

OCD Vs. Perfectionism

• Perfectionism is one side of the spectrum dealing with control and anxiety- usually within a mindset that can be triggered and activated. Easy to change within most settings through therapy and therapuetic settings (talk therapy with friends or even relaxation).


• OCD is the other more extreme side of the spectrum dealing with higher control and anxiety- very similiar yet more ingrained in the brain dealing with personality and psychological issues. Hard to change without intense therapy, medication and cognitive behavioral help.

The Roots of Perfectionism

• Genes (can be found in family generations)


• Culture (Military, Asian cultures, Medical field, Media)


• Family (parental grace vs. shame, expectations, Freud/anal fixations)


• School


• Church


• Fear of failure, rejection or loss of control


• Pride


• Shame

Practical Strategies for Health: Learning to Live with Imperfection

• Evaluate Pros/cons


• recognize all or nothing patterns (keep a journal of thoughts/feelings)


• Move from idealism to reality


• Resist the Devil (arm yourself with truth)


• Accept day by day, little by littlework on small goals

Winter, Richard. (2009). Perfecting Ourselves To Death: The Pursuit of Excellence and The Perils of Perfectionism. As heard at the AACC World Conference 9/19/2009.

If You DON'T Snooze, You LOSE!!!

At the World Conference of Christian Counselors, I went to a lecture with the above appropriated title. Having insomnia since early infancy, I was a little sceptical about the information to be presented. I have tried just about every option in the insomniacs personal stash: a new high tech mattress, velvet blankets, pillows, noise machines, fans, awesome pjs, warm milk, sleep drugs in every category known to man, tea, baths, meditation, prayer..you name it- it's right here. In addition to trying everything, I have also paid for psychiatrists (with much success I might add), talk therapy, muscle testing, holistic medicine... the works. You get the idea.

So here it was, 8:45am. I was loaded with coffee walking into a lecture on sleep. Dr. Lyles was blessed with a humerous outlook that helped all of us stay focused on not falling asleep! Here are some of the most profound facts:

If you sleep under 4 hours a night here is what happens to your body:

• Decrease in: mood, cognition, vigilence/reflexes, pain tolerence, immune function, glucose metabolism, pulmonary functions, growth/thyroid/prolactin/leptin hormones, seizure threshold


• Increase in: blood pressure, inflammatory ctokines, eveing cortisol, caloric intake after one night of deprivation.


• Every night you sleep under 4 hours a night.....IT TAKES 3 DAYS TO RECOVER!!!!!!

Psychiatric Disorders & Sleep

• Anxiety: Initial( can't fall asleep)/middle (wake up in the middle of the night) insomnia (50% GAD patients). Bedtime Worry/Tension


• Mania: Decreased need for sleep and decreasded total sleep time. Insomnia is predictive of relapse into mania.


• PTSD: Nightmares, Increase REM density, inability to maintain sleep.


• Panic Disorder: nocturnal panic attacks.

Depression & Sleep

• 20% of insomniacs have depression


• Sleep disturbance and fatigue are predictive of future depression


• Increased rates of relapse in remitted depressed patients with continuing sleep disturbance


• Initual (can't fall sleep), middle (wake up in the middle of the night) or terminal insomina


• Atypical depression goes into hypersmonia


• Single night sleep deprivation may temporarily decrease depression (a nap reverses it).

Fibromyalgia

• Diffuse musculoskeletal pain, chronic fatigue, non-restorative sleep and tender points in the muscles


• Unique presensce of Alpha waves during NREM sleep, esp. stages 3 & 4


• Highly associated with depression


• Treatment of sleep disorder is a core priority

Sleep Hygiene to Enhance Nighttime Sleep

• Avoid naps during the day


• Regular bedtime and rise times


• Avoid non-sleeping time in bed


• Avoid alcohol, nicotine, or caffiene


• Minimize exercise near bedtime


• Maximize bed comfort and room temperature


• Elimiate light and noise


• Get out of bed if unable to initiate sleep and try again later


• Avoid mental work near bedtime

Sleep: If You Don't Snooze: You Lose- Michael Lyles, M.D. Notes, Powerpoint. As seen from AACC World Conference, 2009.

Flat Brained Alligators

Flat Brain Syndrome
Peterson hit in me in the head when I read his book about listening better. In Chapter 4 he mentioned 'flat brain syndrome.’ This is where your system goes nuts with trying to interpret mixed emotions during times of stress. He states that our stomachs overload on past pain and send ‘stomach pangs’ as messages to our hearts. What really hit me was his section on our hearts turning into bricks. “ Any ability we had to use heart talk, to share and be open with each other morphs into put-downs, absolute statements, and resistance” (Petersen, 2007, p. 25). I usually have a lot on my mind and am not the type of person to openly share too much. When something is really bothering me, I tend to clam up and become a little cold towards others. I’ve done and said some irritating things when my heart turns into a brick, but it is usually because of the internal dialogue that is happening. What should I do about this? I should open up to the right people in order to not ‘stuff emotions’ which results in a ‘brick heart.’ Internal emotions are better out than a spontaneous blow out. Recognize your signs of stuffing.

Alligators
Peterson talked about how the ‘alligators’ nip at our heals when we’re in a stressful situation. In normal times, we could converse in a proper way with sharing our feelings. However when we put off telling the other person how we feel or what to do, stress and false emotion gather. We start to build a ‘grudge’ and talk to ourselves internally about how the other person may not care, listen, or is lazy. The longer we wait to speak out our feelings, the bigger the alligator gets. When deadlines and activities approach, eventually we have to speak up. However, we do it with an alligator on our heals causing absolutes and negatives to blurt out. “A good listener removes alligators and secures a setting where talkers can focus on clearing their swamps” (Petersen, 2007, p. 95). How many of you are ‘emotional bottlers’? This is one of my worst issues. I have to shoot the alligators (metaphorically) and start to converse within a safe situation in order to successfully relate my message as well as listen to others.

Petersen, J., (2007). Why Don't We Listen Better? Oregon: Petersen Publications.

17 Essential Qualities of A Team Player by John Maxwell: A Review

Every leader looks for that one book that hits a home run when referring to leadership qualities. John Maxwell’s book, The 17 Essential Qualities of a Team Player: Becoming the Kind Of Person Every Team Wants (2002), offers the reader a tight and colorful summation of his seventeen essential leadership qualities. Most leaders assume that they should be hard working, skilled, and well-versed in the subject matter; Maxwell takes these assumptions a step further and lists seventeen must-have characteristics that all leaders should encompass in order to do well in any sort of team.

Maxwell’s text is chocked full of great stories and personally gathered illustrations to help the reader better grasp each quality mentioned. Beginning with a quote, Maxwell then moves on to a story to help tie in the theme of the quality. In addition to the story, Maxwell also uses evaluations and reflections to help the reader assess the quality mentioned. Basically, Maxwell uses day-to-day stories and quotes to help the reader implement these qualities to help integrate them into daily life. I find this text simple, basic, and easy to understand and apply. The principles and qualities mentioned are essential and explained in a straightforward manner.
John Maxwell’s text involves a layout of seventeen essential qualities which all leaders should encompass. The first quality, adaptability, focuses on alerting the leader to change for the sake of the team. The second quality, becoming collaborative, allows the leader to realize that working together precedes winning together. The third quality, being committed, is one of the most important; in order to be successful, the leader must give a full-effort. The fourth quality, communication, expresses that the team is many voices with a single heart. The fifth quality, competency, I find to be one of the most intriguing. In order to be a ‘doing’ team, the leader must be competent at the tasks first. The sixth quality, being dependable, explains that the leader must be available to help the team when in need. Additionally, the seventh quality is being disciplined which helps the team to win. The eighth quality is enlarging the team’s values. Being enthusiastic is the ninth quality which comes from the heart of the leader and flows through to the team. Being intentional is the tenth quality which helps make every action count. Additionally, the team should be mission conscious, which is the eleventh quality; this quality helps the team have a clear purpose of future goals. The twelfth quality is being prepared; this quality can ultimately determine the outcome of success. Being relational helps connect the warmth of the team; this is the thirteenth quality. The fourteenth quality is self-improving which ultimately starts at the heart of the leader and flows through to the team. The fifteenth quality is being selfless; in order to lead a team, the leader must be conscious of other’s needs. Additionally, the sixteenth quality is being solution oriented; since conflicts are inevitable in teams, finding solutions should be a priority. Finally, the seventeenth quality listed by Maxwell is being tenacious; never give up in tough situations.

Concrete Response
After reviewing Maxwell’s text, I have recalled a past instance that applies to the concepts. When I was fifteen years old, I was on a local mission team for children and teenagers that would week bi-monthly for an entire weekend. Before bed, the staff would provide group devotionals with a theme for the weekend. Most of the time, the themes would focus on some sort of leadership quality. This particular instance focused on being relational and getting along with others. The staff spoke for a while, sang a few songs, and the session ended. We would split off from the group to individually do our devotionals and then retire to bed. Two girls in particular, always put on their best behavior, “Christian hat,” and every teenage girl envied them for the discipline in the Bible studies. Everyone was doing great, until the fight started.
Teenage girls may not always do fist fights, but they can fight with words pretty well. After all that time spent in the devotional in the group and individually focused on being caring, relational, being warm with each other and as a leader; these girls still had it in for each other. These girls were throwing toothbrushes, pillows, and whatever they could get their hands on. Not only were they throwing objects, they were throwing insults like tomorrow’s paper. After the staff separated the girls and the affected individuals, a debriefing occurred as well as proper discipline. In summary, the entire group learned that teammates can be deceiving and being relational sometimes takes a few years of wisdom and maturity to grow a decent teammate.

Reflection
Upon reflection of John Maxwell’s text, I have come up with several questions regarding his work. However, I have not come up with many. I was actually quite impressed with his organized text, layout of design, and line of fire of content. However, in order to outsmart the author and think one step ahead, I must think hard to find a few flaws. First, in Maxwell’s text he stated he offers free tests and personal team assessments online at (http://www.qualitiesofateamplayer.com). However, this link is unavailable due to how long ago this text was published (about eight years ago). I was however redirected to http://www.maximumimpact.com/OnlineTools/assessment.aspx for more information regarding self assessments; however they were not regarding this specific text. I think it is sort of strange that the website mentioned in his book is no longer up and running; Maxwell must have no been thinking ahead or have been committed to an online resource. So much for abstract thinkers!
Secondly, thinking reflectively, I was really glad that Maxwell did not go into an in-depth description of each quality. This would have made the text a monotonous dictionary of terms. Instead he made the text more of a self-application and assessment that helped the reader easily apply it to daily life. I do wish, however, that Maxwell expounded on more questions: better team assessment tools, how to use this quality at home, is this quality something you struggle with etc. I think the text did offer a great Reflecting on It section that helped the reader ask specific questions; however, Maxwell did not expound on specific answers.

Action
Upon reading Maxwell’s text, I feel I have been enlightened with many relevant characteristics that all leaders should encompass. Each quality mentioned is a quality that should be grown and matured over time. I feel that I have a responsibility as a Christian to follow through with paying attention to these qualities mentioned and making sure I use these qualities for the betterment of my relationship with God and others. My mother is a leader in the local Christian counseling field and asked me specifically about being disciplined. We both have a hard time being too disciplined and not spending enough time resting. After reviewing Maxwell’s seventh quality on discipline, we both discussed how taking several days of rest per every few weeks can do wonders on our work performance. “Discipline is doing what you really don’t want to do so that you can do what you really want to do” (Maxwell, 2002, p. 57). She and I worked out a plan of action so that we can specially have some time to recharge so that our ‘type A’ personalities will not take over and drain our mental batteries.
Personally, the information gained from reading this text has really helped me see a better well-rounded picture of what is needed in any sort of leadership position. Not only am I going to use this information with my future career and job hunt, but I really find this information pertinent in my relationship with Christ. I really found some areas that I need to work on (becoming more relational and committed). Overall, great book!

References
Maxwell, J. (2002). The 17 Essential Qualities of a Team Player: Becoming the Kind of Person Every Team Wants. Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers.

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