Body Image Blues, Girls?

Television: Constant flooding of size 0 models and actresses.

Movies: Unrealistic expectations of clothing, relationships, and what 'normal' looks like. Only instead of a 17 inch flat screen TV, images are on the silver screen in all their glory.

Magazines: Page after page of styles, what's fashionable, "How to dress your Curves," and sex, sex, sex.

Family & Friends: probably the biggest competition around. We compare ourselves to our friends, what our mate might expect in our body, or how you "used" to look.

Don't like your nose? Not a Barbie Doll> When you look in the mirror, do you like what you see? Don't like your jean size? Well I can guarantee that 100% of females, and some males are fairly self-conscious about their body image. So what exactly is negative body image? WomensHealth defines,"A woman has a distorted perception of her shape and size, compares her body to others, and feels shame and anxiety about her body. Being unhappy with your body can affect how you think and feel about yourself as a person. A poor body image can lead to emotional distress, low self-esteem, unhealthy dieting habits, anxiety, depression, and eating disorders. Developing a positive body image and a healthy mental attitude is crucial to a woman's happiness and wellness."

So how do you get back to a positive body image? How can this change your lifestyle and internal dialog? The following 10 Steps to Positive Body Image by Wesleyan University are:

1. Appreciate all that your body can do. Every day your body carries you closer to your

dreams. Celebrate all of the amazing things your body does for you --running, dancing,

breathing, laughing, dreaming, etc.

2. Keep a top-10 list of things you like about yourself -- things that aren’t related to how much

you weigh or what you look like. Read your list often. Add to it as you become aware of

more things to like about you.

3. Remind yourself that “true beauty” is not simply skin-deep. When you feel good about

yourself and who you are, you carry yourself with a sense of confidence, self-acceptance,

and openness that makes you beautiful regardless of whether you physically look like a

supermodel. Beauty is a state of mind, not a state of your body.

4. Look at yourself as a whole person. When you see yourself in a mirror or in your mind,

choose not to focus on specific body parts. See yourself as you want others to see you -- as a

whole person.

5. Surround yourself with positive people. It is easier to feel good about yourself and your

body when you are around others who are supportive and who recognize the importance of

liking yourself just as you naturally are.

6. Shut down those voices in your head that tell you your body is not “right” or that you are a

“bad” person. You can overpower those negative thoughts with positive ones. The next

time you start to tear yourself down, build yourself back up with a few quick affirmations

that work for you.

7. Wear clothes that are comfortable and that make you feel good about your body. Work

with your body, not against it.

8. Become a critical viewer of social and media messages. Pay attention to images, slogans, or

attitudes that make you feel bad about yourself or your body. Protest these messages:

write a letter to the advertiser or talk back to the image or message.

9. Do something nice for yourself -- something that lets your body know you appreciate it.

Take a bubble bath, make time for a nap, find a peaceful place outside to relax.

10. Use the time and energy that you might have spent worrying about food, calories, and your

weight to do something to help others. Sometimes reaching out to other people can help

you feel better about yourself and can make a positive change in our world.

References:

Womens Health. (2009). Body Image: Loving Your Body Inside and Out. Retrieved online January 4, 2009 from http://www.womenshealth.gov/bodyImage/

Wesleyan University. (2002). Ten Steps Positive Body Image. Retrieved online January 4, 2009 from http://www.wesleyan.edu/weswell/docs/ed_bodyimage/10%20Steps%20to%20Positive%20Body%20Image.pdf

Movie Montage

We've all seen movies depicting a 'movie montage.' The films typically express the underdog training for a fight or race, drinking healthy drinks, working out, hitting a boxing pad, and of course excessive sweating. The montage is never complete without the music: cliche 80's hits like Eye of the Tiger, a husky male voice (such as Kenny Loggins), and a female background singer who's job is solely based on repeating the anthem. The whole concept of a movie montage is to convey that a time has passed, work has been done, and the hero is now ready for the 'big fight.' He's prepared, fit, appreciative of his trainer, and of course- still sweaty.

Some of the epic movie montages include:
8. 'Teen Wolf'- Win in the End
7. 'Naked Gun'- I'm Into Something Good
6. 'Dirty Dancing'- Hungry Eyes
5. 'Revenge of the Nerds'- One Foot in front of the Other
4. 'The Karate Kid'- You're The Best
3. 'Ghostbusters'
2. 'Scarface'- Push it to the Limit
1. 'Rocky IV'- The Training Montage

And of course the best movie montage, in my opinion, is Team America-World Police "Montage"; a self-conscious take on movie montage's concentrating on cliche build-up. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FIi0vFyqWAc

So, you say, "Why movie montage's?" In person, I'd respond: "Why NOT movie montages?!" But since the blog needs a point consider the following:

1. If someone was to make a movie montage of the 'training' time in your life, what would the theme song be?
2. In your montage are you training for the big fight, just getting in shape, or feel like you're on your own (no trainer)?
3. Who would your trainer be (a friend, relative, co-worker, pet, God, a book, a concept)?
4. What did you train for specifically (career path, death of a friend/family member, school, sprititual battle)?

As cliche as movie montage's are, the whole concept is to convey that time has passed considerably in such a short section of film. If you're in the middle of yours, don't give up. There is always a hindsight perspective. If you've only just begun, get a great trainer and some kick butt music and truck on through.

Perfecting Ourselves To Death

Perfectionism is an avoided and yet prided word with connotations of straightening pencils and perfect clothes. Some perfectionists can be seen as simply hardworking and motivated; others let it affect their attitudes, health, and ultimately their relationships.

So, what type of perfectionist are you? I'm not talking about taking a self-quiz and getting a silly result that is so general and broad as a fortune cookie. Perfectionism can be split into several categories. Most of us with this trait can be dominant in one category while mixed slightly into others.

I recently attended a conference and heard the author, Richard Winter, speak about his book Perfecting Yourself to Death: The Pursuit of Excellence and the Perils of Perfectionism. Not only was his information a new and innovative in the area of the healthy vs. unhealthy perfectionist, but his English accent was swimmingly surprising. So, below I'll let you in on a few of his secrets (laid out in his book, but also in the notes of his lecture):

Types of Perfectionism:

• Appearance


• Performance/Academic


• Moral


• All round (all encompassing)


• Perfectionists think in ALL or NOTHING terms!

Unhealthy Perfectionists:

• Have standards that are high beyond reach or reason


• Strain compulsively and unremittingly toward impossible goals


• Feel their best efforts are never good enough


• Unable to feel satisfaction or joy in a job well done


• Measure their own worth entirely in terms of productiv ity and accomplishment


• Preoccupied with performance and/or appearance

Normal/Healthy Perfectionists (Person of Excellence):

• Pursue excellence


• Derive a very real sense of pleasure from the labors of a painstaking effort to meet high standards


• Feel free to be less precise as the situations permits


• Rejoice in their skills


• Appreciate a job well done

The 3 Dimensions of Perfectionists- Which One Are You?

• Self-Oriented: demand yourself to be better (high standards for yourself only); under stress you break down to unhealthy perfectionism and tend toward neutrotism. This type of dimension tends to be only related to your person only, no one else (your little bubble and your standards only).


• Socially Prescribed: perceived expectations of others very high; self-worth is contingent on others approval. Social situations depend on your thoughts of "Am I saying the right thing?" "Do I live up to their standards?"


• Others-Oriented: "Why can't everyone else do things the way I do things?" Very morally conscious; tends to set high standards for everyone else. Can be bossy, leadership qualities are high but when under stress can lead to unhealthy ranges.

Thought Patterns of Perfectionists:

• All or nothing


• Need for control


• Tyranny of "outs and "shoulds"


• Trying to live outside reality


• Perception of consistency failing to meet high standards set by self or others


• Shame, social comparison, inferiority


• Fear of making mistakes


• Fear of failure and rejection


• Discrepancy between perceieved and ideal self

Some Perils of Perfectionism:

• Anxiety & worry


• Indecisiveness and procrastination


• Decreased productivity and performance


• Impaired health (headaches, psychosomatic issues)


• Eating disorders


• Depression and suicidal ideas


• Relationship problems (Other-Oriented: critical and leaves broken hearts; Self-Oriented: afraid of opening up because of rejection)


• Obsessive comulsive Personality and OCD- desired sense of control.

OCD Vs. Perfectionism

• Perfectionism is one side of the spectrum dealing with control and anxiety- usually within a mindset that can be triggered and activated. Easy to change within most settings through therapy and therapuetic settings (talk therapy with friends or even relaxation).


• OCD is the other more extreme side of the spectrum dealing with higher control and anxiety- very similiar yet more ingrained in the brain dealing with personality and psychological issues. Hard to change without intense therapy, medication and cognitive behavioral help.

The Roots of Perfectionism

• Genes (can be found in family generations)


• Culture (Military, Asian cultures, Medical field, Media)


• Family (parental grace vs. shame, expectations, Freud/anal fixations)


• School


• Church


• Fear of failure, rejection or loss of control


• Pride


• Shame

Practical Strategies for Health: Learning to Live with Imperfection

• Evaluate Pros/cons


• recognize all or nothing patterns (keep a journal of thoughts/feelings)


• Move from idealism to reality


• Resist the Devil (arm yourself with truth)


• Accept day by day, little by littlework on small goals

Winter, Richard. (2009). Perfecting Ourselves To Death: The Pursuit of Excellence and The Perils of Perfectionism. As heard at the AACC World Conference 9/19/2009.

Life Coaching: Top 5 Questions

1. What is life coaching?
*A life coach is someone you hire to help assist you with your personal development, especially in the area of setting and achieving specific goals. Your life coach may share advice, offer guidance, help you make plans, and hold you accountable for taking action. Just like you would hire a trainer for implementing fitness goals, you would hire a life coach to inspire and support you to implement personal life goals. Many people also need motivation with productivity and organization during their coaching process, which is what the coach is for! Every life coaching situation is unique, therefore each individual sets specific milestones and goals to implement during and after the coaching process.

*Amid all your responsibilities, activities and projects, it's sometimes hard to see the big picture and easy to become overwhelmed or feel like you're lacking direction. That's where a life coach can come in. If you are frustrated with an aspect of your life, not sure how to stop making the same choices you keep making or just want to have more happiness, peace of mind and passion -- life coaching can do that for you. Life coaches can specialize in areas like relationships, careers or personal growth. They promise to motivate, offer support when clients need a boost in confidence and help them decide which direction to take (Pawlowski, 2007).

2. How does life coaching differ from counseling or therapy?
*Coaching focuses on goal setting with future emphasis. Coaching meets the client where they are with support during their time of struggle with poignant questions and motivational encouragement. Coaching is about positive acute change.

*Therapy focuses on issues of pathology, healing and unresolved psychological issues of the past. Coaching on the other hand, begins with the present and assists clients in setting very clear, and specific goals that they want to achieve in the future. While the past may be discussed on occasion, it is addressed only in the context of discovering what is blocking the client from moving forward. The focus is always on movement and taking action, not on insight or understanding (Austin & Brain, 2008).

3. How does life coaching work?
*What happens between you and your life coach? Your life coach will be your EQUAL PARTNER. If you do not feel that your life coach is your equal partner, then the life coaching process will almost assuredly not succeed. Your life coach will focus totally on you. You will become the absolute center of their attention. Life coaching is all about you accomplishing your coachable goals on your terms, on your pace, on your agenda (Dueease, 2007).

*Your life coach will ask you personal questions about you for the purpose of having you reveal what is inside you that you cannot see. You will open up to your coach to divulge what make you tick, to unravel the mystery of you. Once you reveal your inner thoughts, feelings and motivations that you had previously not known about or fully understood, your coach will reflect them back to you. Your life coach will become your mirror to describe to you what you divulged to your coach (Dueease, 2007).

4. Does your life need a coach?
*At home: Coaching provides personalized strategies and shortcuts to organize your day and keep you on track. Or you might finally get your closets organized — and keep them that way. A coach doesn’t just solve time-management or organizational problems for you, he or she helps you identify them and teaches you how to develop solutions to prevent them from recurring.

*At Work: A coach can help you navigate the tricky waters of office politics. Even a procrastination problem can be solved with a little support. A coach can teach you to break down a big project into several smaller ones that are less overwhelming and easier to complete. If you need help with long-term goals, coaching can help you objectively review your future employment, promotion or salary goals.

*Personal life: It is different from talking to a friend or family member. Friends mean well and can certainly lend a supportive ear, but completing homework assigned by a life coach can break down mental barriers such as ‘I can’t draw’, ‘I can’t run a mile’ or ‘I don’t know how to sew.’ A coach understands that the idea of running a mile can feel daunting for someone who’s never jogged down the street. She works with you to find creative ways to break down the ‘can’ts’ into a series of small triumphs and ‘cans.’ (Unilever, 2008).

*Often, people need someone to help them take the dreams they have in their heads -- the visions of what they want to do next with their lives -- and do the work to make them a reality. Remember that you get out of the coaching experience what you put into it, so hire a coach when you're ready to make changes, and devote your attention to doing the work. A coach can be a powerful asset, but they will work in a partnership with you, and you determine where you want that partnership to go (Pawlowski, 2007).

5. What do we discuss in a coaching session?
*You will discover: Your passions (the ones you know about, those you suspect but are not sure of and those that have been hidden within you that want to come out) ; Your self-imposed obstacles (what you do not want to do, the opposite of passions) ; Your beliefs and values, some people call this spirituality as opposed to religion, (your boundaries and integrity points) ; Your talents (the ones you know about, those you suspect but are not sure of and those that have been hidden within you that want to come out) ; Your priorities what is most important to you, what is second, third, etc (Dueease, 2007).

*This process of discovery will take several months to accomplish because there is a lot there to unravel. The end result is that you will become the World’s Leading Expert on You! The biggest mystery in the world is not global warming, but is the mystery of ourselves. The reason the life coaching process has become so popular, so valuable, and has grown so much in only sixteen years is because life coaching assists people to discover themselves in such a short time, with so much more accuracy, and in such a supportive and confidential (secret) environment (Dueease, 2007).

References:
Austin & Brain. (2008). Coaching and Counseling: What is the Connection? Found online 7/27/09 at http://www.julietaustin.com/article-coaching-counseling.html
Dueease, B. (2007). How Does Life Coaching Work? The Coach Connection Blog. Found online 7/27/09 at http://findyourcoach.blogharbor.com/blog/_archives/2007/8/27/3186956.html
Pawlowski, A. (2007). Getting Unstuck: Does Your Life Need a Life Coach? CNN.com. Found online 7/27/009 at http://www.cnn.com/2007/LIVING/worklife/08/01/wlb.life.coaches/
Unilever Group. (2008). Do You Need a Life Coach? Found online 7/27/09 at http://www.executivehealthwealth.com/makinglifebetter.pdf

Penguine Sex (and Faith)

Last night I was reading Blue Like Jazz: Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality (2003) by Donald Miller. Chapter 5 opens with the heading "Penguin Sex (and Faith)." Startled and curious at the same time, I found out that Donald Miller (no relation by the way) was relating our internal voice of faith to penguins during their mating rituals.
Let me explain, although D. Miller does a much better job: penguins swim in large packs until they hit a chunk of ice. They then hop on the ice, and crawl on their belly (which carves little tunnels), until they feel the need to stop. The group of penguins (around 500+) begin something like a disco dance, finding their mate in such a large dance room. The ritual commences, the female lays the egg and hands it off to the male with her flippers. This is the interesting part: the male sits on the egg until it hatches.

Where did momma go, you ask? She's off hunting, grocery shopping, getting her nails done; you know, all the typical female busyness. She could be a hundred miles away. The males are left in the huge huddle collecting warmth with the center penguins circulating outward to keep the heat equal. As almost by maternal instinct, the female returns a month later to sift through the dance floor, find her man, and watch the babies crack the shell.

What's the point of all of this penguin talk? Have you ever felt like you had an internal radar that told you where to go, what to do, and that it all somehow made sense? Like the momma penguin showing up at the exact moment to find her babies being born, faith tends to act like an invisible radar. D. Miller explains, "I have a radar inside me that says to believe in Jesus. Somehow, penguin radar leads them perfectly well. Maybe it isn't so foolish that I follow the radar that is inside of me"(p. 57).

We all have that internal compass; that inner voice that nudges you saying "This sounds fishy," or "This is the better path." Most of us ignore our inner voice, what Christian's call the Holy Spirit, causing us to miss the highlights in our life and stray off course. Sometimes that voice comes in a whisper, you just have to be listening.

• Miller, Donald. (2003). Blue Like Jazz: Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality. (p. 57).Thomas Nelson, Inc.

• http://www.donaldmillerwords.com/bluelikejazz.php