The Day I Gained Everything

My life is pretty simple, non-plus and organized. I don't like change, I only like consistency. For those of you who automatically dislike this fact, please read on, as this is about to change. I categorize and label everything, am up to speed on the laundry and cleaning, and am even a superwoman animal owner (2 cats, 2 dogs, 2 guinea pigs). My home life consists of cooking, cleaning, backyard bonfires, moderate exercise, and sending an extensive amount of love to my animals. Nothing crazy, unexpected or out of the ordinary; routine.

When it rains it pores; and it did this year upon my uninteresting life.

In 2010, underwent Lap Band surgery to aid as a tool in my weight loss journey. The pounds fell of swimmingly until the start of 2011. I was stuck in a metabolic plateau, something of a nightmare for a Lap Bander. No matter the exercise, no matter the food, my belly was not moving. This year, my body stopped losing with 30 pounds to go until I met my goal. I was, in nicer terms, frustrated.

I was presented with an opportunity that fell in to my jiggly lap- one I couldn’t pass up. A house I had my eye on for a while was privately for sale at an affordable price. I explored the options and decided to see about finalizing the deal. Time was tight; I had to make quick-footed decisions in order to move out of my apartment and rent from the seller until things were solidified. Things happened so fast: the painting, the cleaning, the yard work, the time, the effort. I moved in with full excitement. Then one day, I found out that the finalization process had been delayed. All the sudden I was in limbo, my living arrangements, my labeled categories, my organized life. What if I had made all of those quick-footed decisions for something that ultimately may not work out? My faith in the loan companies grew weaker, my faith in my decision making abilities were up for question. I’m 100% honest when I say that not 5 seconds went by for the past 3 months without me having anxiety about the house process. Everything was out of my hands.

Just about when things were about to tank in the “I’m Sane” department, my life took another blow: my best friend was moving away. Presented with a God-given opportunity of her own, she’s following her calling into missions. She and I have been buddies since infancy, us both being blessed by being a ‘multiple’ (I’m a twin, she’s a triplet). We have shared our childhoods together, took a brief break through high school and college, and re-united in a healthy friendship. Since then, we’ve experienced a lot together: working together, natural disasters, business and fun trips, and even tragedy. Our transformation in Christ has been the binding cord between us. She found out she’d be leaving in two weeks (which is actually tomorrow). My heart skipped with joy and fell with sorrow. Of course we’ll see each other, but have to endure an 8 hour car-ride to do so. The day came when I had to say farewell; I trucked through with typical fortitude. But as I was turning around to leave, my heart was gripped with grief like none I had experienced.

My life had been thrown for a loop. No weight loss, living in a house that may not be mine after much hard work, and my best friend relocating in a different state.

I had been battling with surrendering control at the foot of the cross for the whole process. There wasn’t a day that went by that things got any easier. Battling with something so inert, so embedded, so strongly woven in my core.

I could not control anything. And I was a mess.

Then one day, everything happened all at once.

Like a whirlwind of fury: the day I gained everything. The morning started with the usual anxiety: checking my phone every few minutes to make sure I hadn’t missed an email or call from the loan company. In my trek to work that morning, my life started to tip like a roller coaster on the first lilt.

An email came. THE email I had been waiting for. I couldn’t see because of the tears clouding my vision, but it was a good email. Good news. In shock, I sort of forgot to breathe. Work was a blur. I fell on my face thanking Jesus for His faithfulness.

A joy came. A joy that cannot come from any other than Jesus. His comfort about my best friend shrouded me in a blanket of hope. I felt bittersweet about how things will settle in over the next few months with her absence; but I had a strong confirmation of happiness; of resoluteness.

A number read on the scale. The first time stepping on the dreaded scale in a month. My weight had changed in a good direction. This was shocking considering the plateau I had been experiencing. Maybe it was all the anxiety and grief, I’m not certain. But hey, I’ll take it! Suddenly, I started to have faith in myself.

This story is all about perspective. God is doing something in my life. Like a painting, if you look too close, you can’t see anything but pixilated duress; I am too close to my situation. I can’t say what my painting looks like, but I do know it’s going to be beautiful. My ordinary life was turned, churned, and burned in a short amount of time. Replaced with a chaotic life, the faithfulness of God was discovered. Sometimes it takes a nudge to see things in a different perspective.

Thanks for reading,

Sarah

Something I needed to hear..

"Let My love stream through you, washing away fear and distrust. A trusting response includes Me in your thoughts as you consider strategies to deal with a situation. My continual Presence is a promise, guaranteeing that you never have to face anything alone. My children teethe on the truth that I am always with with them., yet they stumble around in a stupor, unaware of my loving Presence all around them. How that grieves Me!

When you walk through a day in trusting dependence on Me, My aching heart is soothed. Gently bring your attention back to Me whenever it wanders away. I look for persistence- rather than perfection- in your walk with Me."

Psalm 52:8, "But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God's unfailing love for ever and ever."

Deuteronomy 31:6, "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

Ephesians 4:30, "And do not bring sorrow to God's Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption."

-adapted from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

DOMINOS

Step One: God sets up a beautiful style of DOMINOS in a design we can't even see from our perspective.

Step Two: Sometimes God rearranges these DOMINOS as He has always known He would. Whether this be allowing Satan to move, push, or take away a few, God always knows best for your purpose.

Step Three: Allow the rearranging, falling, and even tipping of these DOMINOS to happen. take a deep breath during this step. You'll need it. Let your anxieties peak without freaking out, allowing your brain to understand that this situation has a purpose. Let your fears be released. Let your doubt be erased and replaced with TRUTH.

Step Four: The DOMINOS all have a purpose in your life. God is moving them as always planned. Let it happen and don't be a control freak.

He knows my doubt.

Darting Arrows

This morning on my way to the office, the famous Cook Mrs. Paula Dean herself was interviewed on HIS Radio WRTP. She simply tickles me! Her optimism and joy for family and comfort thrill me. Although, I'm sure eating all those yummy foods would get me at some point, if you know what I mean. She was talking about how many shows she's been on recently, her new restaurant, and the joys of her family. She chuckled and said,

"You know how you can't hit a moving target? Well I just don't stop movin'!"

How true is this for most of us? We are afraid it will all catch up with us if we slow down. It ends up being a viscious cycle if you think about it: you stress if you slow down, you stress when you speed up; then eventually you simply crash.

If you are darting from the arrows of stress, where do you go?

Who do you turn to?

What are your patterns?

Some of us eat, some of us yell, some of us sleep. Either way, this whole dance of darting the arrows causes a lot of stress for you and for the people around you.

What do you think would happen if you slowed down?

What is the worst thing that could happen?

What is the best thing that could happen?

What is another viewpoint on slowing down?

Keep on diggin'! Keep on asking and answering. This way you will get a clearer picture as to the core issue.

Get that armor off, quit running in the wrong direction. Slow down!

Say YES to the POTTER!

April 7th:

"I am the potter; you are My clay. I designed you before the foundation of the world. I arrange the events of each day to form you into this preconceived pattern. My everlasting Love is at work in every event in your life. On some days your will and Mine flow smoothly together. You tend to feel in control of your life when our wills are in harmony. On other days you feel as if you are swimming upstream, against the current of My purposes. When that happens, stop and seek My Face. The opposition you feel may be from Me, or it may be from the evil one.

Talk with Me about what you are experiencing. Let My Spirit guide you through treacherous waters. As you move through the turbulent stream with Me, let circumstances mold you into the one I desire you to be. Say yes to your Potter as you go through this day."

Isaiah 64:8, " Yet you, LORD, are our Father.

We are the clay, you are the potter;
we are all the work of your hand."

Psalm 27:8, "My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”

Your face, LORD, I will seek."

Young, Sarah. (2004). Jesus Calling: Devotions for Every Day of the Year- Enjoying Peace in His Presence.

Jeanne Jolly - "Hallelujah" 4/1/11

Chronic Pain: Coping Strategies

Pain is the body’s way of sounding our internal alarm. It says, “Stop, you’re going too far, you’re doing too much, this is dangerous.” Without these warnings, you could be in serious trouble! Everyone’s pain tolerance is different- some can handle more bodily stress than others. When pain supersedes your tolerance with a daily or triggered experience due to a past injury or unidentified condition, chronic pain is usually a suspect.

In my previous blog, we identified chronic pain. UNDERSTANDING chronic pain is actually the first coping strategy with this every day battle. If you don’t know you have it, you can’t cope! Side note, I am not a doctor and this blog is not to be used to diagnose or suggest that you have chronic pain. If you have not been diagnosed with chronic pain, and suspect that this may be the case, please see your doctor. Grab some materials and resources and learn how your body is reacting to this pain. Get to know your body, your pain tolerance, what you can and can’t do. This first step of understanding is sort of like getting to know an irritating friend! Knowing your patterns, your triggers etc. will all help you live a fuller life with chronic pain. You are not isolated, you are not alone, and you are not helpless to this condition.

The second coping strategy is REST: mixed with finding peace and managing your stress and emotions. The big bad monster called stress causes muscle tension, mental tension, and a myriad of intense chemical reactions within the body. Take care of this monster, and your tension will melt away. Deep breathing, stretching however you can, and most of all- resting! Chronic pain is not an excuse to avoid action- it’s the opposite! Even on the days you can’t walk or get out of bed, work on your inner stress. Prayer, meditation, peaceful music and journaling are all great ways to getting started on the journey to inner and outer peace. Leave your worries, your pain and stress at the foot of the cross during prayer. Leave them there, don’t take them back. The more you give your pain away, the more emotional room you are creating! You’d be surprised how this positive reaction to pain will help physically and emotionally!

The third coping strategy is a mix of relational and physical activity, but more simplified: ACTION. Once you’ve rested up, supporting yourself with other’s company and encouragement is a necessity. It’s so easy to isolate yourself during spells of pain, not only can it be embarrassing and humiliating, but it can also be an easy excuse to separate yourself from the one’s you love. Be willing to keep a strong connection with someone. Every superhero needs a sidekick. Any sort of relational interaction lifts the spirits. I spend a lot of time with my dog, a boxer named Indiana Jones. Even when I’m in pain, he gets me up to walk him, play, and even get silly! The second area of this coping strategy incorporates physical activity. Please consult your doctor for specific advice on your activity level. Anything active gets your dopamine levels (the “feel good” chemicals) to raise and help ease the pain. Get out and have a good time with a friend, your pet. Get outside and enjoy nature, rejoice in something beautiful. One of my best coping strategies is LAUGHING!! Laugh; laugh some more, and laugh even more after that. Just remember that positivity can kill stress, negative thoughts, and even help with pain management.

Finally, HOPE: Never give up! There are so many new drugs, therapies, and studies going on continually regarding different aspects of chronic pain. Don’t give up hope for new therapies. Also, chronic pain can sometimes drag you down in the dirt with it. Don’t give up hope for yourself- fight depression, stress and anxiety. Teach yourself new ways of thinking and coping. Don’t waste away! This life is precious, so, so precious. Your body may be affected by pain, but do not let your life be wasted because of it. You can do it!!

Chronic Pain: A Series. Pt. 1: What is it?

Chronic pain is a wide spread problem mainly among older adults. However, over the past five years chronic pain has been statistically proven to be prevalent in younger adults. I have my own definition, but academically let’s define chronic pain. The American Academy of Pain Medicine defines chronic pain as, “Pain signals keep firing in the nervous system for weeks, months, even years. There may have been an initial mishap -- sprained back, serious infection, or there may be an ongoing cause of pain -- arthritis, cancer, ear infection, but some people suffer chronic pain in the absence of any past injury or evidence of body damage.” Yikes! This is an area inside of medicine that is not fully understood or quickly able to diagnose. Just to give you a better perspective: 76.2 million suffer from chronic pain in contrast to 11 million from cancer!

So, enough about the clinical stuff. If you are one of the 76.2 million who suffer from chronic pain, you’re probably tired of definitions, doctors, medication trial and error, and the financial strain. In fact, you’re probably sick of feeling sick! Maybe you’re tired and depressed from the strain chronic pain has put on your body.

My story with chronic pain is lengthy and would require a 10 part series by itself. So, I’ll shoot for the abbreviated version. For years I saw doctor after doctor, tried medication after medication with no return. I even started to doubt if my pain was even real. Some days, I was just fine. I could go to my college classes, be active, and even feel normal. Other days I couldn’t get out of bed, had to use the dreaded cane to walk, and missed many college classes. I don’t know how many MRI’s, Nerve Conduction Tests, X-Rays, blood tests it took for me to realize that this pain was stress related. No two doctors told me the same results, many of them telling me my pain was not related to anything physically diagnosable.

I could say that I found answers but none of them the remedy to the pain. I think the majority of what I’ve learned about chronic pain is accepting the good and bad days. Thank God for my family, my employer, and my friends for understanding this as well.

As stated earlier, chronic pain is not easily understood. Most of the time it’s triggered by an injury or an event in one’s life thus causing a mishap in the nervous system. Neuropathy, fibromyalgia, migraines, edema and fatigue are all chronic pain mysteries.

I wanted to go ahead and introduce this subject before continuing.The next part in this series of chronic pain will discuss key components coping with this every day battle.

References

American Academy of Pain Medicine. (2011). AAPM Facts and Figures on Pain. Found online March 18 2011 at http://www.painmed.org/patient/facts.html.

Coping with Chronic Pain Intro

Pain is a mysterious thing. Especially if it's not something you can control. Mystery turns into frustration, then agony, and ultimately depression. For those of us dealing with chronic pain, this cycle of remorse is nothing new to us. I've began to label days not by the day of the week (Monday, Tuesday etc). but simply into Good Day or Bad Day. Before I begin this journey into such a widely effected issue, I want to say have patience with me and my writing. This subject in particular is ever present- almost like the air around me. For me to interpret these sensations, thoughts, emotions, and conflicts is a little harder than I thought.

So for now, I'm putting my 'feelers' out there to try to sort out this messy topic.

More to come....

How’s Your Body Language?

How’s Your Body Language?: "3 Mar 2011"

Check out the above link for tips on Body Language from Pendaflex!

Overpacked

I recently traveled for my birthday on my first 'mid-west' trip to Michigan to visit friends. I had heard horror stories about the weather out there this time of year: snow, winds, and sub-zero temps. What the heck is a girl from North Carolina suppose to pack on a trip like this??

I hate second guessing baggage claim at the airports if I have a connecting flight. Will my bag actually make it on my plane or will it get lost in the mayhem? With this thought, I decided to concentrate on my first 'carry-on only' flight. Since my trip was only for 4 days, I thought I could manage with a backpack and a purse.

But then, I thought about the weather. I figured a parka was a must, plus a medium jacket, and a light weight one. In addition to jackets, there are those winter necessities: gloves, hats, scarves, boots, socks. Don't forget clothes and toiletries!! After a miracle moment, my backpack actually closed with all the above items. I even brought my fancy camera and a gift for my friend. Amazing! I felt prepared, ready, and above all- warm!

Stepping out of the Detroit airport, I was greeted with a couple feet of dirty snow, winds blasting my face off, and shocking temps. I was ready. For one night anyways, I was cozy warm. The first night was icy, snowy, and I felt my breath was freezing in my lungs. But the next morning, and every morning following, I woke up to decent temps: 40's and sunshine. Really?! I began to feel over-prepared and a little silly for all the packing worries.

My backpack was heavy, full to the bursting point, and above all: unnecessary.

How many times to we fill our own thought life with unnecessary worries and stresses? Maybe you're just trying to feel prepared for the journey ahead; maybe you're worried that you'll be caught off guard and put in a vulnerable position. What if this armor we put up is actually holding us down? Your emotions will be affected by these superfluous worries: increased anxiety, irritability, sleep problems, etc.

I could say something cheesy like, "Throw your backpack down" or "Only pack the necessities" or something along those lines. But the reality is that most of us have no idea what our bare necessities are when it comes to our thought life. Our minds simply run rampant. So instead of a list of ideas to minimize stress in your head, what about simply asking, "What is the root of this thought?"

If the roots of your thoughts tend to be grounded in anxiety, performance stress, self-esteem, or fear- would you want to hold on to all of that? Not me! It's alright to be prepared for 'winter weather,' but only to a certain extent. Here are a few questions to ask yourself:

1. Is this thought healthy?

2. What is this thought trying to accomplish? What is the end result?

3. How will this thought or worry affect me the rest of today?

4. Am I going to put up with myself thinking this thought?

Don't be surprised if you start making some changes!

Operation Beautiful 2010.wmv

How Do I Go Public With My Sexual Struggles?

How Do I Go Public With My Sexual Struggles?

Words of Encouragement for Today

February 10th 2011

"Trust me enough to spend ample time with Me, pushing back the demands of the day. Refuse to feel guilty about something that is so pleasing to Me, the King of the universe. Because I am omnipotent, I am able to bend time and events in your favor. You will find that you can accomplish more in less time, after you have given yourself to Me in rich communion. Also, as you align yourself with My perspective, you can sort out what is important and what is not.

Don't fall into the trap of being constantly on the go. Many, many things people do in My Name have no value in My kingdom. To avoid doing meaningless works, stay in continual communication with Me. I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you."

Luke 10:41-42, "Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, ⁴² but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

Psalm 32:8, "I will instruct you and teach you the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you."

Young, Sarah. (2004). Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence. February 10.