Perfectionism is an avoided and yet prided word with connotations of straightening pencils and perfect clothes. Some perfectionists can be seen as simply hardworking and motivated; others let it affect their attitudes, health, and ultimately their relationships.
So, what type of perfectionist are you? I'm not talking about taking a self-quiz and getting a silly result that is so general and broad as a fortune cookie. Perfectionism can be split into several categories. Most of us with this trait can be dominant in one category while mixed slightly into others.
I recently attended a conference and heard the author, Richard Winter, speak about his book Perfecting Yourself to Death: The Pursuit of Excellence and the Perils of Perfectionism. Not only was his information a new and innovative in the area of the healthy vs. unhealthy perfectionist, but his English accent was swimmingly surprising. So, below I'll let you in on a few of his secrets (laid out in his book, but also in the notes of his lecture):
Types of Perfectionism:
- Appearance
- Performance/Academic
- Moral
- All round (all encompassing)
- Perfectionists think in ALL or NOTHING terms!
Unhealthy Perfectionists:
- Have standards that are high beyond reach or reason
- Strain compulsively and unremittingly toward impossible goals
- Feel their best efforts are never good enough
- Unable to feel satisfaction or joy in a job well done
- Measure their own worth entirely in terms of productiv ity and accomplishment
- Preoccupied with performance and/or appearance
Normal/Healthy Perfectionists (Person of Excellence):
- Pursue excellence
- Derive a very real sense of pleasure from the labors of a painstaking effort to meet high standards
- Feel free to be less precise as the situations permits
- Rejoice in their skills
- Appreciate a job well done
The 3 Dimensions of Perfectionists- Which One Are You?
- Self-Oriented: demand yourself to be better (high standards for yourself only); under stress you break down to unhealthy perfectionism and tend toward neutrotism. This type of dimension tends to be only related to your person only, no one else (your little bubble and your standards only).
- Socially Prescribed: perceived expectations of others very high; self-worth is contingent on others approval. Social situations depend on your thoughts of "Am I saying the right thing?" "Do I live up to their standards?"
- Others-Oriented: "Why can't everyone else do things the way I do things?" Very morally conscious; tends to set high standards for everyone else. Can be bossy, leadership qualities are high but when under stress can lead to unhealthy ranges.
Thought Patterns of Perfectionists:
- All or nothing
- Need for control
- Tyranny of "outs and "shoulds"
- Trying to live outside reality
- Perception of consistency failing to meet high standards set by self or others
- Shame, social comparison, inferiority
- Fear of making mistakes
- Fear of failure and rejection
- Discrepancy between perceieved and ideal self
Some Perils of Perfectionism:
- Anxiety & worry
- Indecisiveness and procrastination
- Decreased productivity and performance
- Impaired health (headaches, psychosomatic issues)
- Eating disorders
- Depression and suicidal ideas
- Relationship problems (Other-Oriented: critical and leaves broken hearts; Self-Oriented: afraid of opening up because of rejection)
- Obsessive comulsive Personality and OCD- desired sense of control.
OCD Vs. Perfectionism
- Perfectionism is one side of the spectrum dealing with control and anxiety- usually within a mindset that can be triggered and activated. Easy to change within most settings through therapy and therapuetic settings (talk therapy with friends or even relaxation).
- OCD is the other more extreme side of the spectrum dealing with higher control and anxiety- very similiar yet more ingrained in the brain dealing with personality and psychological issues. Hard to change without intense therapy, medication and cognitive behavioral help.
The Roots of Perfectionism
- Genes (can be found in family generations)
- Culture (Military, Asian cultures, Medical field, Media)
- Family (parental grace vs. shame, expectations, Freud/anal fixations)
- School
- Church
- Fear of failure, rejection or loss of control
- Pride
- Shame
Practical Strategies for Health: Learning to Live with Imperfection
- Evaluate Pros/cons
- recognize all or nothing patterns (keep a journal of thoughts/feelings)
- Move from idealism to reality
- Resist the Devil (arm yourself with truth)
- Accept day by day, little by littlework on small goals
Winter, Richard. (2009). Perfecting Ourselves To Death: The Pursuit of Excellence and The Perils of Perfectionism. As heard at the AACC World Conference 9/19/2009.
