Chaos

We are born into a world of chaos. Pure, utter, insanity. Violence, crimes, decisions, and not to mention "free will." I've been doing a lot of thinking about our little friend, free will. Not to be confused with the great Free Willy. We come out of the womb, such a peaceful and blessed sanctuary: quiet, floating, everything is provided (unless you're a twin, like me- it was crowded). Why does it all change so drastically?

Recently, I lost a family member to cancer. Of course I was plagued with anger, questions and doubt. Why did this happen? Why isn't this person still in our lives? What is the purpose of pain? So many questions for such a complicated situation. This person didn't choose to die. There was no free will involved. It was supernatural. So why do bad things happen to good people? The classic question. I could give you pat answers- tell you something fluffy and comfy, but it won't solve the question. It's in our nature to get attached to people- it's in the recipe. When we choose to ignore this, try to do it on our own, that's when things get ugly.

Because there is only One answer. We are finite beings, beginning in the time when Adam and Eve sinned. Free will was introduced, the decay of man, and ultimately a fallen world full of evil, sin, doubt, and anger. Making mistakes, choosing wrong paths, and negative feelings are all part of the world we live in. But it doesn't have to be all bad. We don't have to choose it.

What if we live in a world where in all the chaos, God is Sovereign? What if we choose the right path? What if we can experience the love and peace of Jesus Christ? What if there was only One solution?

Life will always be hard. There is no avoiding it. I have no idea why people get sick, experience horrible crimes or hurt, or why lives end. In all this searching for the answers- I seemed to have gotten myself off track. All it did was create doubt. Inner chaos.

What if all these things that happen is God speaking? What if sometimes He speaks loudly to get my attention? What if He speaks softly or not at all in times of silence? What if it's Him?

Doubt only throws you further from your Path. Replace doubt with listening to Him. The act of searching for truth is not wrong, but may cause you to veer further from Joy.

Knitting: one stitch into another, row after row..I may never see the mistakes, the holes, unless I'm further along in my pattern. Perspective. Everyone is connected, every situation affects another. What if in all this chaos, He is constituting and guiding each stitch, each mistake, each ripple? What if the pattern, in perspective (holes and all) are unspeakably beautiful?

What if in all this chaos of stress and doubt, we find Him? What if in chaos, we find out how much more capable we are? Every day we'll face things that we cannot foresee. You can't avoid them. You have to adapt and keep going!

God created the universe to be kinetic. Every day you have to make a choice- to make it better or worse (see the Chaos theory for scientific mumbo jumbo). Of course our choosing of sin is in our born nature, but who's to say we can't counterbalance that with the nature of God? Peace, joy, understanding, provision, reflection, and FAITH.

When you're stuck, don't try to rely on yourself or you'll keep going in ridiculous circles. God created us to rely on other people (healthy ones) and ultimately to rely on Him for strength, wisdom and faith. The inner chaos is a dance. You just have to decide who is your Partner- who leads.