My life is pretty simple, non-plus and organized. I don't like change, I only like consistency. For those of you who automatically dislike this fact, please read on, as this is about to change. I categorize and label everything, am up to speed on the laundry and cleaning, and am even a superwoman animal owner (2 cats, 2 dogs, 2 guinea pigs). My home life consists of cooking, cleaning, backyard bonfires, moderate exercise, and sending an extensive amount of love to my animals. Nothing crazy, unexpected or out of the ordinary; routine.
When it rains it pores; and it did this year upon my uninteresting life.
In 2010, underwent Lap Band surgery to aid as a tool in my weight loss journey. The pounds fell of swimmingly until the start of 2011. I was stuck in a metabolic plateau, something of a nightmare for a Lap Bander. No matter the exercise, no matter the food, my belly was not moving. This year, my body stopped losing with 30 pounds to go until I met my goal. I was, in nicer terms, frustrated.
I was presented with an opportunity that fell in to my jiggly lap- one I couldn’t pass up. A house I had my eye on for a while was privately for sale at an affordable price. I explored the options and decided to see about finalizing the deal. Time was tight; I had to make quick-footed decisions in order to move out of my apartment and rent from the seller until things were solidified. Things happened so fast: the painting, the cleaning, the yard work, the time, the effort. I moved in with full excitement. Then one day, I found out that the finalization process had been delayed. All the sudden I was in limbo, my living arrangements, my labeled categories, my organized life. What if I had made all of those quick-footed decisions for something that ultimately may not work out? My faith in the loan companies grew weaker, my faith in my decision making abilities were up for question. I’m 100% honest when I say that not 5 seconds went by for the past 3 months without me having anxiety about the house process. Everything was out of my hands.
Just about when things were about to tank in the “I’m Sane” department, my life took another blow: my best friend was moving away. Presented with a God-given opportunity of her own, she’s following her calling into missions. She and I have been buddies since infancy, us both being blessed by being a ‘multiple’ (I’m a twin, she’s a triplet). We have shared our childhoods together, took a brief break through high school and college, and re-united in a healthy friendship. Since then, we’ve experienced a lot together: working together, natural disasters, business and fun trips, and even tragedy. Our transformation in Christ has been the binding cord between us. She found out she’d be leaving in two weeks (which is actually tomorrow). My heart skipped with joy and fell with sorrow. Of course we’ll see each other, but have to endure an 8 hour car-ride to do so. The day came when I had to say farewell; I trucked through with typical fortitude. But as I was turning around to leave, my heart was gripped with grief like none I had experienced.
My life had been thrown for a loop. No weight loss, living in a house that may not be mine after much hard work, and my best friend relocating in a different state.
I had been battling with surrendering control at the foot of the cross for the whole process. There wasn’t a day that went by that things got any easier. Battling with something so inert, so embedded, so strongly woven in my core.
I could not control anything. And I was a mess.
Then one day, everything happened all at once.
Like a whirlwind of fury: the day I gained everything. The morning started with the usual anxiety: checking my phone every few minutes to make sure I hadn’t missed an email or call from the loan company. In my trek to work that morning, my life started to tip like a roller coaster on the first lilt.
An email came. THE email I had been waiting for. I couldn’t see because of the tears clouding my vision, but it was a good email. Good news. In shock, I sort of forgot to breathe. Work was a blur. I fell on my face thanking Jesus for His faithfulness.
A joy came. A joy that cannot come from any other than Jesus. His comfort about my best friend shrouded me in a blanket of hope. I felt bittersweet about how things will settle in over the next few months with her absence; but I had a strong confirmation of happiness; of resoluteness.
A number read on the scale. The first time stepping on the dreaded scale in a month. My weight had changed in a good direction. This was shocking considering the plateau I had been experiencing. Maybe it was all the anxiety and grief, I’m not certain. But hey, I’ll take it! Suddenly, I started to have faith in myself.
This story is all about perspective. God is doing something in my life. Like a painting, if you look too close, you can’t see anything but pixilated duress; I am too close to my situation. I can’t say what my painting looks like, but I do know it’s going to be beautiful. My ordinary life was turned, churned, and burned in a short amount of time. Replaced with a chaotic life, the faithfulness of God was discovered. Sometimes it takes a nudge to see things in a different perspective.
Thanks for reading,
Sarah
